Declaration of War
Our corn and sweets industry has perpetuated food terrorism against the American people for far too long. I'm here to ask that you stand by my side and stand up to their horrible fat building machine. You all know me. I've sat next to you in many classes. I've rambled insanely next to you on various street corners. I've organized conferences you've attended, and I've injured myself skiing in front of you. After much thought, I've decided that the most important battle facing us is against Big Corn. That's right: it's time we go to war against HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP.
This has been brewing for a while. Recent studies have shown that mice (honest to God MICE, people!) put on more fat when fed diets with calories coming from high fructose corn syrup rather than diets with calories coming from sugar, even if the mice ate fewer total calories! I'm normally not concerned with the outrageous media debacle that is "Obesity in America", but the lessons garnered from the sacrifices of these brave mice cannot be ignored.
So I ask that you join me in no longer consuming products sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. This is actually a little trickier than you might think. This rules out pretty much any soda made in the states (though European sodas are sweetened with sugar instead). It's also ruling out most forms of candy (which is why I might have to "grandfather" in certain candies like cadbury cream eggs, to which I have an addiction for which I am seeking treatment. One day at a time). Obviously, things like fresh fruit are still ok, but sadly, it costs a large bit more. This is the price the people must pay to spread thin freedom.
Join me, my friends. Join Operation Enduring Thinness. Fight the battle of the bulge by cutting out that horrible high fructose corn syrup.
This has been brewing for a while. Recent studies have shown that mice (honest to God MICE, people!) put on more fat when fed diets with calories coming from high fructose corn syrup rather than diets with calories coming from sugar, even if the mice ate fewer total calories! I'm normally not concerned with the outrageous media debacle that is "Obesity in America", but the lessons garnered from the sacrifices of these brave mice cannot be ignored.
So I ask that you join me in no longer consuming products sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. This is actually a little trickier than you might think. This rules out pretty much any soda made in the states (though European sodas are sweetened with sugar instead). It's also ruling out most forms of candy (which is why I might have to "grandfather" in certain candies like cadbury cream eggs, to which I have an addiction for which I am seeking treatment. One day at a time). Obviously, things like fresh fruit are still ok, but sadly, it costs a large bit more. This is the price the people must pay to spread thin freedom.
Join me, my friends. Join Operation Enduring Thinness. Fight the battle of the bulge by cutting out that horrible high fructose corn syrup.
posted by Just a Guy | 10:09 PM
2 Comments:
If you quit eating candy, what are we going to eat during class??? Fruit? Vegetables? This is just crazy talk...
good thing my favorite soda, diet dr. pepper, is loaded with character-building carcinogens rather than character-bloating high fructose corn syrup.
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